Changes

I’ve always struggled when it came to using a ton of will-power to make changes in my life. I hated taking risks. I hated the unexpected; the not knowing what came next – the ‘not planning’.

Yet here I am, in a different country, miles and miles away from home - as an intern at a well established newspaper agency. Having taken the risk to travel alone, to meet people I’ve NEVER met, to accustom myself to a culture I am not VERY familiar with and for the first time to depend on myself at its entirety.

At this precise moment, the only word that comes to mind is self-efficacy, a term invented in the 1970s by Albert Bandura as part of his theory that ‘the beliefs we have about our abilities affect our actual outcomes. In other words, ‘if you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right,’ emphasising the fact that your belief system determines what you can accomplish in life if you BELIEVE in it.

I was never more reminded of this fact till I watched a YouTube video of an inspirational speaker, Nick Vujicic, who despite being born without any limbs was able to motivate and inspire people from all walks of life. It would be very easy to understand how a person like this could spend his entire life in a wheelchair, being taken care of, and not having a very productive life. But what he lacked in his limbs, he compensated for in unbelievable spirit and belief in himself. He went on to pursuing his education, obtaining a double Bachelor’s degree, majoring in Accounting and Financial Planning. Now at 27, he has accomplished more than most people accomplish in a lifetime. He has his own motivational speaking company, is the president of a non profit organisation and has travelled the world, sharing his story with millions of people.

It’s shocking how easy and quick we are able to undermine our abilities and take this life for granted. Life has interesting twists and turns sometimes – and we often allow our dreams to shrink to fill in the small corners around the ‘big uglies’ in our lives, rather than giving them center stage and allowing them to bloom.

So whenever I catch myself complaining about life, about my abilities, about the petty injustices of an average day, I think of Nick Vujicic. Whenever I think of something I want to do in life is out of my reach, I think of ‘the man without limbs’.

If Nick Vujicic can accomplish what he has accomplished with no arms and no legs, we don’t deserve to have any excuses about why we can’t do something.

Part time Muslims or Full time Muslims?

In the absence of better words for the occasion, a late Eid Mubarak!

Wow what a month! So yet another Ramadan has past us by, yet another Ramadan we find ourselves bidding farewell to. Farewell to the month of good manners, farewell to the month of kindness, farewell to the month of generosity, farewell to the month of mercy, farewell to the month of discipline.

When we actually contemplate on the good we have achieved in this month and the spiritual calmness we felt within ourselves, do we really understand the purpose of ramadan. The reality is, ramadan to us was nothing but a school and a teacher. We all attended this school whether we wanted to or not. Some of us achieved great marks during it, some accomplished average marks, and some unfortunately failed.

Sadly, I am finding myself realising a disturbing trend amongst us Muslims where we take astonishing steps forward during Ramadan. Our manners improve without borders; our worship is both increased in amount and in sincerity and our generosity is unsurpassed. But as we take these great steps forward during the month, we seem to end up taking far more steps backwards as the year progresses. I find it particularly interesting how people immediately go back to their old ways once ramadan is over with facebook being filled with status's saying 'back to shisha' or 'back to my non hijabi days' and so on. Why must there be going 'back' to our old ways, when instead we should be moving 'forward'. Why is it that for every positive step forward during Ramadan, we’ll take two negative steps backwards during the rest of the year. We become the ramadan Muslims! Yes, even THEY have labels!

So I can’t help but take it as a personal obligation to remind my brothers and sisters to use the good we have gained during Ramadan as a training month for the upcoming year. Being a Muslim doesn't stop here, it continues amidst all the trials and tribulations we face throughout the year. So regardless of the month, regardless of where you are, who you are and your situation...don't let the end of Ramadan stop you from continuing to practice your religion as it SHOULD be practised. Rise in the night and pray like you prayed in Ramadan. Fill the Masjids like you did during Ramadan. Read the Quran the same strong-willed conscious effort as you did during Ramadan. Let your heart be filled with serenity and calmness like it did during Ramadan. And always, always, remember that you may not live to see the next Ramadan.

Ramadan came to us as a school, as a teacher - one to renew and recharge our Emaan. Now that it has completed its objective and given us a graceful and beautiful uplifting of spiritual awareness, it is now upon you and I to remain constant upon what it has given us. There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.

So start and go all the way! ;)

A reminder

There were times in my life, especially moments when I was wowed by the beauty of a mountain view or a sunset over the ocean, that I genuinely felt grateful for being alive. But I never really thought about it until I heard about the flood in Pakistan, over 2 million people left homeless and at least 1,600 killed. The floods have severely affected ALL of the provinces of the country and even worse, the MAGNITUDE of the devastation cannot be compared to the other recent natural disasters. And despite the funds collection, only a fraction of the SIX MILLION Pakistanis desperate for food, water and medicine were receiving help!

I realised that despite our constant reminders, it has become very easy to see in life only what is broken and needs fixing and ignore the good in our lives and the things we are blessed with. To truly be grateful takes some reflection. By paying attention to the ‘small stuff’ in life and by seeing the beauty, wonder and goodness available to us in each moment, we often find the 'small stuff' is really the ‘big stuff’, and in fact the ‘only stuff’. If you get my drift....

In doing this, we might begin to remember the beauty that surrounds us everyday, the awe inspiring universe, the majestic mountains and the wild sea. We might begin to appreciate and enjoy the moment of hearing a bird sing or watch a golden leaf float gently to the ground in the breeze. We might be grateful for being able to experience the gift of life with its joys and adversities. For having realized the full capacity of the mind, body and soul and understanding that happiness lies within. We might realise that there's someone somewhere in exactly the same situation as us but without any arms, legs or in the middle of a war zone or famine. And the greatest fruits will come when you begin to feel grateful, even on days that are more difficult and challenging, reminding ourselves that our ‘negative’ experiences often bring to us the greatest teachings of our lifetime. Sometimes the challenges of our lives help to build character and I strongly agree with the phrase: ‘whatever doesn’t kill us, only makes us stronger.’ These are our initiations just like the doctor slapping the newborn so it will take its first breath. Maybe sometimes life needs to slap us awake so that we could go in a new direction or travel a new path. Our tough experiences and the hardships we face are invaluable lessons which make us the person we are today and appreciate all the ‘good’ things we have in our life.

Thus, I began a daily meditation practice focused on gratitude. Every night, before I went to sleep, I tried to come up with a few specific events that occurred that day for which I felt grateful for. Some days, it was easy. Other days, it was more of a challenge and over time, I began to notice that I felt happier, in general. I observed a sense of calm within myself and the ‘little annoyances’ that would have bothered me in the past, no longer disturbed me. I realised that in life there were no ordinary moments and gradually I began to see the magic of everyday life.

Our lives are truly only lived moment to moment and how present and aware we are in each of those moments is often a great measure of the joy we experience. Constantly reminding ourselves for the good in our lives and being grateful for what God has given us would not only make us happier people, but it would be a step towards us using our physical and mental faculties for doing good. It means learning to live our life as if everything were a miracle and being aware on a continuous basis of HOW MUCH we’ve been given. It means to appreciate simple pleasures and constantly look for the good even in unpleasant situations. It means shifting the focus from what our life lacks to the abundance that is already present. And it means ‘knowing’ that a struggle today may be a gift tomorrow.

The main purpose of this reminder is to strongly urge everyone to unite and show their support to the victims in Pakistan by raising money, however we can, to purchase much- needed medication, food and clean water to drink! It is extremely difficult to truly appreciate what God has blessed us and our families with until we come face to face with the reality of what so many people are experiencing. And with the presence of Ramadan, I would urge everyone to make the most of this opportunity and hasten to increase your good deeds Inshallah.

Butterflies

The much-anticipated Graduation day has finally come. Tomorrow I will be walking on stage, most likely tripping and tumbling on my gown, making an embarrassment of myself, and finally receiving my long awaited certificate.

Understandably, I am quite anxious. This is a very big step to take. Throughout the next year, everything around me or what I’ve been USED to, will be radically changing. People, lifestyle, routine and responsibilities. I'm saying goodbye to student hood, farewell to full-time education for the very last time (or not). ;)

Tomorrow, I'll have left Queen Mary. The past three years here have been very good to me. They've shaped me into someone yearning to get the most out of life: motivated, optimistic, and enthusiastic and I couldn't be more thankful for this. I’ve learnt a lot about myself, my deen and what I aspire to do in the future. I have made friends with wonderful people who I will keep in contact with and met the most amazing sisters who have taught me a lot and who have shaped me into who I am today. My two close friends who have made my university life all the worthwhile, with the jokes we shared and the moments we cringed at. And then there’s the blue shop…the famous PFC! WHO could forget PFC? Or meds? Come to think of it, I probably have a record for being the customer who orders the same meal every time!

And then there are the memories of my final year and living out with the girls. My sisters. Sure we can call each other on the phone and talk, but it's definitely not the same thing. No more late night watching movies on our laptops (half the time spent trying to find the correct movie and the other half trying to upload it), and laughing at the stupid things that seem funny at two in the morning. No more last minute rush in the mornings, queuing for the bathroom and shouting at each other for being late to class. No more waking up for fajr altogether and praying. It was real sobering to walk into our house and see all the boxes lined up against the wall. There's no going back now, we're all ‘grown up’ and shouldering true responsibility - unemployment. :p

Being a student really wasn't all that bad. Sure, sometimes it got to be annoying and tedious and hard work, but with friends by your side it was a real good time that left us with a lot of memories Alhamdulillah.

So, now with all that off my mind, here's to a suspenseful summer full of anticipation and uncertainty. I embrace the butterflies.

Zombie land!

Unlike many football fans (including my brothers), I can’t get on board with this utopian vision of the FIFA world cup evoking ‘a collective sense of English identity and unity, infused with positive energy’ – in fact I despise it! Flags everywhere, nationalism left, right, and centre, people screaming for their players to score that most important goal whilst they stay glued to the couch for an entire season! I refuse to get excited about some wealthy misogynists tossing a ball around in the name of patriotism and product endorsement. As I walk contentedly along a quiet street, I refuse to see the point of cars jam packed with oversized people thrusting themselves out of the windows and roofs, waving scarves and yelling triumphantly….as if…..as if…..something huge and significant had been accomplished. Would I see these very same people screaming with joy if a child had been saved from starvation in Darfur or if the convoy ships full of aid had reached successfully to Gaza? They wouldn’t even notice let alone be happy about it!

Everything about the world cup is exaggerated. It’s cry baby million dollar worth players, joyless managers, its blokish supporters, its whistle-peeping referees and excitable commentators and - perhaps most of all - its unpluggable ‘analysts’ who seem to find satisfaction in sitting and examining a players every move. Argh! And what’s even more depressing, all this excitement, this glory and support, ends with a MASSIVE crash as England fails to beat Germany with an embarrassing score of 4:1.

It is hard being a world cup loather, an unfan. I sometimes feel as lonely as the sole survivor in the last reel of a Zombie movie, as, one by one, old friends reveal themselves, with their blank lifeless stares and outstretched arms, to have succumbed to the lure. They too are infected with the world cup disease!! People I had always assumed were strict anti world cup football supporters suddenly start jabbering incoherently about how Rooney should have shot that goal or writing up ‘viva la Algeria’ status’s on facebook. And then one look at them as they utter those words, I suddenly realise that it’s too late, that all is lost! They too have caught the deadly world cup virus! It’s crazy how the most unexpected person pops out to be a football fan!

The fact remains, however, that there are more pressing things to worry about over the World Cup season than the state of Beckham’s unexpected injury and consequent withdrawal from the World Cup. This country is in crisis! The world is in crisis! The reality is, there’s a lot of money expended in constructions for the World Cup – A LOT of money. How can we support the notion that people may invest more in 'fun' of a ball game then things like misery, hunger and many other things? No wonder the world is in this state.

Inspired quotes

'If a man like Muhammad were to assume the dictatorship of the modern world, he would succeed in solving its problems that would bring it the much needed peach and happiness.'

- George Bernard Shaw

''Improvement begins with I''

My mum has planned a graduation party for me in order to celebrate the end of student-hood and a new beginning, a new chapter in my life. She's excessively organised everything, invited a number of people (most of whom I haven't seen for many years or didn't even know existed!), booked out the venue, arranged what to eat, what to wear and to top it all, she did this in a matter of 1 and half weeks! Seriously, never underestimate my mum's organisation ability - the woman is gifted! I am absolutely grateful and love her for her efforts to make it an enjoyable day for me and my friends, but the reality is, the entire event has actually got me worried about the future.

Even when I handed in my final assignment it never occurred to me that my student days were officially over. Years of being a student - sleepless nights - tears shed before exams - parents consoling me that 'it's all going to be alright' - coursework's and essays- it was coming to an end. 6 years ago the idea of graduating and wearing the cap would have caused goosebumps to ripple on my arms but now, everything seemed........unreal.......like I was living in a different time zone and that life had passed me by so quick. I never did sit down and reflect. What was I going to do with my life now? Mixed feelings, mixed thoughts - I was happy, sad, worried and glad at the same time.

Up to this point, I always worked to my full potential to get the highest grades during my student years. I was a perfectionist in the sense that everything I did I would give my 100%, to the point where I would go on for 3 consecutive days without any sleep. I was never satisfied with a piece of work that I had completed and thinking back now I realise that I was too hard on myself. I never did give myself a 'break' since getting top marks in an exam or in my coursework's was enough to keep me happy. But the reality was, I never stopped to think WHY I was studying and WHAT I was working so hard for? What did I want to achieve in life? What was my aim? Instead all I would get is a sheet of A4 paper with my name and a shiny emblem on it.

So I decided to list a number of things that I aspire to do in the near future and the things I consider myself to be generally good at. I love writing and plan to publish my own book in the future, but I know that this can only happen with time and experience. I also want to gain a lot of experience in the field of journalism next year, whether it's voluntary or paid, it doesn't really matter. As much as I enjoyed my years of education, I did have to cut down on my social life. Now that University is over and I'm out in the real world, I realise that experience is just as much important as that A grade on your record. Without contacts, without any extra skills...I'm just like any other University graduate. But I don't simply want to do work for money. I mean’s money's great, right? It’s no use pretending that it’s not important. It is. Very much so. But, money’s not everything. To me, the key element in a life’s work is passion. Why would would I spend days without sleep over my education if I didn't feel passionate about the outcome? What exactly was I working for? I love being able to pursue work that empowers me to carry out such passion. And creativity. And meaning. And joy. I love empowering people through my words, whether its written on paper or whether it's by speech. I love helping people and generating ideas and contributing to society as much as possible. I love voicing my own opinions and combating injustice. I love to travel and as much as I have a desire to backpack around the world and see different places and experience new cultures, it's something I can't do on my own. Maybe in the future.

Looking at my scribbles of writing on the piece of paper, I realise that while half of my plans may seem a little to idealistic, it's not impossible. And, while the thought of getting out into the real world scares me, I’m also really, really excited!

So, will I be able to achieve my dream and become a successful author and freelance journalist? Well, you never know since with determination and a passion to succeed, anything is possible!

The Mirror of Me

In a dream I looked into a pool and what I saw was me,
But in a gentler version of what we really see.

I was then shown, this pool really does reflect,
Every one I chance to meet, in all things that exist.

As I go about my day, do I see the piece of me,
that lives in everyone I meet, in every bird and tree?

It's hard some days to see myself in beggar and in thief,
In Gossip and in Poverty as I pass it on the street.

Compassion is the key, how would it be if it was me?
Would I hope to get a smile from everyone I see?

Or would I like them to scorn and scold me for my mistake,
and pass me as so many did, leaving judgment in their wake?

Since I am a piece of God, and walk the Beauty way,
I must help myself up off the street and give encouragement away.

To give a smile.. ... You can do It... I can understand,
I can help...what can I do...give a helping hand.

For in the ripples of the pool the reflection is You I see.
It's hard to tell but I now know that you're a part of me.

God has a Great Reflecting Pool, and as he looks Within,
In His Great Wisdom sees me inside of Him.

He treats me gently like a child, no matter what mistakes I make,
And all He asks in return is that I might do the same.

Marianne Goldweber