''Improvement begins with I''

My mum has planned a graduation party for me in order to celebrate the end of student-hood and a new beginning, a new chapter in my life. She's excessively organised everything, invited a number of people (most of whom I haven't seen for many years or didn't even know existed!), booked out the venue, arranged what to eat, what to wear and to top it all, she did this in a matter of 1 and half weeks! Seriously, never underestimate my mum's organisation ability - the woman is gifted! I am absolutely grateful and love her for her efforts to make it an enjoyable day for me and my friends, but the reality is, the entire event has actually got me worried about the future.

Even when I handed in my final assignment it never occurred to me that my student days were officially over. Years of being a student - sleepless nights - tears shed before exams - parents consoling me that 'it's all going to be alright' - coursework's and essays- it was coming to an end. 6 years ago the idea of graduating and wearing the cap would have caused goosebumps to ripple on my arms but now, everything seemed........unreal.......like I was living in a different time zone and that life had passed me by so quick. I never did sit down and reflect. What was I going to do with my life now? Mixed feelings, mixed thoughts - I was happy, sad, worried and glad at the same time.

Up to this point, I always worked to my full potential to get the highest grades during my student years. I was a perfectionist in the sense that everything I did I would give my 100%, to the point where I would go on for 3 consecutive days without any sleep. I was never satisfied with a piece of work that I had completed and thinking back now I realise that I was too hard on myself. I never did give myself a 'break' since getting top marks in an exam or in my coursework's was enough to keep me happy. But the reality was, I never stopped to think WHY I was studying and WHAT I was working so hard for? What did I want to achieve in life? What was my aim? Instead all I would get is a sheet of A4 paper with my name and a shiny emblem on it.

So I decided to list a number of things that I aspire to do in the near future and the things I consider myself to be generally good at. I love writing and plan to publish my own book in the future, but I know that this can only happen with time and experience. I also want to gain a lot of experience in the field of journalism next year, whether it's voluntary or paid, it doesn't really matter. As much as I enjoyed my years of education, I did have to cut down on my social life. Now that University is over and I'm out in the real world, I realise that experience is just as much important as that A grade on your record. Without contacts, without any extra skills...I'm just like any other University graduate. But I don't simply want to do work for money. I mean’s money's great, right? It’s no use pretending that it’s not important. It is. Very much so. But, money’s not everything. To me, the key element in a life’s work is passion. Why would would I spend days without sleep over my education if I didn't feel passionate about the outcome? What exactly was I working for? I love being able to pursue work that empowers me to carry out such passion. And creativity. And meaning. And joy. I love empowering people through my words, whether its written on paper or whether it's by speech. I love helping people and generating ideas and contributing to society as much as possible. I love voicing my own opinions and combating injustice. I love to travel and as much as I have a desire to backpack around the world and see different places and experience new cultures, it's something I can't do on my own. Maybe in the future.

Looking at my scribbles of writing on the piece of paper, I realise that while half of my plans may seem a little to idealistic, it's not impossible. And, while the thought of getting out into the real world scares me, I’m also really, really excited!

So, will I be able to achieve my dream and become a successful author and freelance journalist? Well, you never know since with determination and a passion to succeed, anything is possible!

The Mirror of Me

In a dream I looked into a pool and what I saw was me,
But in a gentler version of what we really see.

I was then shown, this pool really does reflect,
Every one I chance to meet, in all things that exist.

As I go about my day, do I see the piece of me,
that lives in everyone I meet, in every bird and tree?

It's hard some days to see myself in beggar and in thief,
In Gossip and in Poverty as I pass it on the street.

Compassion is the key, how would it be if it was me?
Would I hope to get a smile from everyone I see?

Or would I like them to scorn and scold me for my mistake,
and pass me as so many did, leaving judgment in their wake?

Since I am a piece of God, and walk the Beauty way,
I must help myself up off the street and give encouragement away.

To give a smile.. ... You can do It... I can understand,
I can help...what can I do...give a helping hand.

For in the ripples of the pool the reflection is You I see.
It's hard to tell but I now know that you're a part of me.

God has a Great Reflecting Pool, and as he looks Within,
In His Great Wisdom sees me inside of Him.

He treats me gently like a child, no matter what mistakes I make,
And all He asks in return is that I might do the same.

Marianne Goldweber

Your blood reached the shores of Gaza before your aid

Just like millions of other ordinary people, when I switched on my telly this morning, I came across horrific pictures and videos of a Palestinian convoy being shot in cold blood by the Israeli army at the instruction of the Israeli government. I simply couldn't believe my eyes! My heart sank and I could feel tears streaming down my face. It all seemed impossible. Anger filled up inside me as I came to the realisation that not one thing was being done to stop these massacres from taking place. What was this 'so called' war based on? War against innocent civilians? War against sticks and stones? War against children, women and elderly? War against a humanitarian ship? War against PEACE?

Yet at that specific moment, the only word that came to mind was - why do they think they could get away with it?

Why?

Our government talks about international community, talks about the moral of law, but then allows Israel to do EXACTLY what it wants...year after year? We watch these crimes take place right in front of our eyes, half of the news being completely ignored by the media and swiped under a carpet, the truth hidden, curtains placed right in front of our eyes and our voices ignored. Where is the justice? Where are the serious sanctions against the government?

But hold on a sec, we then hear that the UN has decided to call for an enquiry. Enquiry of what? 20 people have been brutally murdered on the ship and all the government can do is call for an enquiry? We don't need an enquiry. The truth is out there, right in front of our eyes. We KNOW what's been done to the people of gaza. We know about the bombings. We know about the blockade. We know about the illegal immigration. We know about the settlements on the west bank.

Attending today's protest in front of the Israeli Embassy is not just to express sadness and send our condolences to the families of the people who have died - that is only one part of it. We want to show the government that WE are angry. We demand justice. It is time for people to reccognize the injustice made against the Palestinian's. It is time for peace and harmony to prevail. It is time our voices were not just heard but LISTENED. This must be accomplished without violence. Blame needs to be replaced with cooperation. We can despair and curse, and change nothing. We can choose evil, just like the zionists, and create a world based on hate.

OR, we can try to make things better, since 'Justice denied anywhere diminishes justice everywhere.' (Martin Luther King).

Bugünün işini yarına bırakma

Don't leave today's job for another day

As the title suggests, I've been putting off blogging for a while. The constant excuses seem to keep popping up - 'I have too much work to do' - 'I have to clean the house' - 'it's too late now' - 'I have to read xyz.' Of course there can be good reasons for putting things off since timing is important and I can’t do everything at once – but if you’re anything like me there are things that you know you probably should be doing that you’re simply procrastinating about. IN FACT right this minute my brothers are calling me too watch Shutter Island with them and ditch blogging. It seems that I never get a 'me' time, where I could simply sit and reflect on my life and its daily ongoings. Even when I am alone, I always seem to find myself occupied with other things, whether it's cleaning the house, reading a book or simply watching something on telly. Every time I sit down to writing something, I never get past the 'title' stage (I have notebooks with about 10 different plans that never eventuated).

Why didn’t I do it? Was it laziness…. or busyness….? If I’m honest about it, I’m sure it’d be a bit of both of those things – however I suspect it was also partly fear that held me back. Fear? Of what, you'd think?

Fear of writing and being misunderstood. Funnily enough, when it came to debating current issues, I've always been able to articulate myself in a good way. I've been outspoken with my friends, confident in my views and never refrained from defending what I honestly and truly believed in. But putting my thoughts on to paper seemed really difficult because THAT WAS IT, once you clicked the 'publish post' button, those words that you so easily constructed in your mind, would be displayed on the world wide web and perhaps even taken out of context. I had to rely on the words on the page to express meaning and ideas and this seemed far too restrictive and would require following a standardised form of grammar, structure, organization, and vocabulary. In the 'real world', speech was free from boundaries, I would use my voice and body language to communicate my message, emphasising on certain words or raising/lowering my tone when needed. I loved the spontaneity of speech, it was unplanned and free. And most importantly, I KNEW my audience and I had many opportunities to convey my opinion, even if misunderstood at first.

Actually – saying I was too busy might sound a bit better – I sound very conscious! But in the end – I knew that if I didn’t continue with my blog that I’d be kicking myself later. The time came for me to draw a line in the sand and just do it. I don’t have any secret strategies for getting over the hump of getting myself into gear really - well, except a change in attitude and a bold writing on my cupboard written with permanent marker!

''BUGUNUN ISINI YARINA BIRAKMA''

William Bernbach

In the words of the renowned advertising pioneer, William Bernbach:

“The truth isn’t the truth until people believe you, and they can’t believe you if they don’t know what you’re saying, and they can’t know what you’re saying if they don’t listen to you, and they won’t listen to you if you’re not interesting unless you say things imaginatively, originally, freshly”

The rain of your eyes

I’ve been sitting around this life for years
To tell you what’s in your heart
Trying to figure out a way to vent, a way to share those tears
But how am I to start?

You’re searching for something to go beyond
When all about you is black with gloom
Pushing and pulling…life’s tearing you apart
And all you feel is pending doom.

When all your bones are racked with despair
Picking and prodding an underused heart
When every breath is a gasp for air
You scream and beg for a fresh new start.

This dark velvet curtain that hides your soul
Black as the pit from pole to pole
You’ve loved, lost and feared the world
"Enough is enough" you cry uncurled.

For you are weak inside, full of pain
You are lost to reality, almost insane
Not enough laughs, and too many tears
Oh, what a waste of all these important years.

"I am only human!" You cry with despair
"Does no one understand me?" You shout unaware
You’ve lost it all, oh there’s just no use!
If you fall, it doesn’t matter – it’s only another bruise.

You look into the air, you have become fallen rain
You are dripping your past memories…old pain.
Confusion feeds like a savage inside you
You’re destined to walk this empty life….all the way through.

Alone, exiled, different and disdained!
There’s nothing left inside you that’s worthy to remain
Emptiness builds like a home within you
You’re in an eternal echo, a life in a tomb.

This is madness, you think in plaintive cry!
You’re here, on the cusp, of lay down and die.
You used to wish for a window, to see birds, trees and the sky
But you think you’re better without one….it stops you from aiming too high.

Simple void, is that what you’ve become?
Hide the pain, do carry on.
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside… you are warped and twisted.

So here I am, walking down your memory lane.
Throttling…trying to understand…your feelings of pain.
Your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow
In all things…. it is better to hope than to simply let go.

But HOW do you live with a time bomb inside?
HOW do you defuse without destroying its ride?
HOW do you quell the anger reaching beyond the brink?
And HOW do you stop the endless tears that flow in crimson ink?

Questions! Questions! Too many if’s and too many whys!
Sit back and contemplate….and let ‘hope’ advise.

Life is unexpected with its twists and turn
It’s easy to cry that you’re beaten…..and leave no room to learn.
But to fight and to fight and to fight when all hope is out of sight
To keep your trust in Allah and feel his immense might!

This is your life and you can make a new start,
Let light slice through the darkness and follow your heart
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

Your head may be bloody…but you’re unbowed
DONT wince… DONT cry….slice through that dark depressing cloud.
You are the master of your fate… you are the captain of your soul
So leave your trust in Allah, let that be your ultimate goal.

You learnt of a man who struggled from the start.
A man who’s mission was "La ilaha illAllah" from the depths of his heart.
His tears fell like drops off rain from his eyes
Yet, in the face of hardship, stood firm and wise.

So endure for this moment, the tests of this life
Hold to the unbreakable rope of Allah…so very tight!
Let the menace of the years find you…unafraid.
And don’t let that hope within you gradually fade.

RISE from the streets of lonely no more!
SLICE through the darkness, hopes washed ashore!
GLIDE like an angel…your futures open and wide!
And BELIEVE in Allah…the one who will guide!

You will crawl till you walk again
And you will walk…..till you fly through the pain.
No more are you a prisoner….free from the chain
Old friend… you are no longer the one who stands in the rain!

Khadijah Kubra

Dream

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover

- Mark Twain